BN:  The Brandon Network

Brandon's Best

10-01-07

My 10 Favorite TV Networks of All Time

First, the three networks that should be way better:

1.  AMC:  The one good hour on this channel is Mad Men.  Their definition of "classic" is offensive (Gothika?!).  They do seem to be improving, but it's going way more slowly than most channels. 

2.  Sci-Fi:  Again, only one worthwhile hour a week, and it's Battlestar Galactica which has only one more season.  This channel could be so much more, and I'm interested in seeing what they do without any of their flagship shows (BSG, Stargate, Farscape). 

3.  Travel:  I like this network in general, especially their list shows (Top 10 ____ or the Great Hotels series), but they could be even better.  Also, get rid of the damn poker shows; those have nothing to do with travel.  And while we're at it, there are other places to go besides Las Vegas.  I think I could create a much better programming slate that would still be cost-effective. 

And now the top 10 proper: 

10.  MTV:  The channel where your favorite shows are the same as the ones you despise, but you can't stop watching because MTV has perfected unbelievably addictive mind candy.  I recommend no more than one real MTV marathon in a single month, though even I would hardly make it through summer that way.  MTV began the reality show trend with the glorious show The Real World, which makes MTV the root of all evil.  And then we have the RW/RR Competition shows, which are pretty awesome, mainly for introducing me to Coral.  But modern MTV has been made by Kallissa Miller and Liz Gateley (and no, I didn't have to look those names up), creators of Dismissed, Next, Date My Mom, Exposed, Laguna Beach, the Hills, and Newport Harbor. 

Current Faves:  The Hills this season is honestly the best season of the whole Beach/Hills/Harbor series. 

9.  FX:  Building its reputation on edgy cable material, this is the best place to find the f-word outside of premium channels.  The Shield and Rescue Me first garnered the attention FX is now deservedly getting, and they've added to their lineup Nip/Tuck, the Riches and Damages since then, all of which received critical acclaim at their peaks.  The movies FX airs used to suck, but now they air better movies and present them better.  Of course, FX also airs (and renewed) Dirt, and a lot of their shows have gotten eh lately (I'm looking at you, Rescue Me).  But then I remember how FX nurtured the glorious It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and all is right with my world. 

Current Faves:  Obviously It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

8.  Bravo:  Man, does Bravo know how to do reality television.  I love their candid reality shows (Queer Eye, Tim Gunn's Guide to Style, Work Out, Kathy Griffin) and their competition shows (Project Runway for me, Top Chef for others).  Flipping Out isn't bad either.  About the worst thing I can say about this channel is that they air far too many Law and Order/West Wing reruns in their off-time.   

Current Faves:  Project Runway--Nov. 14.  Be there. 

7.  FOX:  Fox has so many great dead shows.  On the other hand, Fox has so many great dead shows.  See what I did there?   Unlike better networks (see my #1), Fox has no idea what the words "nurturing" or "quality" mean.  Brilliant shows like Arrested Development or Firefly are told to pull in the required numbers or face the axe, and so they join their brothers-in-arms.  What's worse is that Fox's hit shows (Prison Break, 24) are vastly inferior to its cancelled greats (don't forget the OC).  I'm not gonna add House to that list, because I enjoy it and am pleased at its success.  Also, some people like the Simpsons, which Fox has aired since 1847. 

Current Faves:  House, but it's not appointment viewing.  Suck it, Fox. 

6.  ABC:  This one's mostly for historical purposes--ABC was the home of Home Improvement, Whose Line, and the brilliant lineup of TGIF--but it was such a key part of childhood that it made it this high.  I also enjoyed the Wonderful World of Disney movies on Sunday night, even if it rapidly devolved into repeats of Flubber.  Today they've got some good shows (Lost, Brothers and Sisters) and some shows I hate with passion (Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives).  They seem to embrace the soapy shows--see every show I just mentioned including Lost--and it seems to be working with the public at large.  We'll see what they do with Pushing Daisies.

Current Faves:  Brothers and Sisters

5.  UPN:  It kind of pains me to say this, but UPN is one of my favorite channels in history.  Three reasons:  Star Trek: Voyager, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, and Veronica Mars (the best seasons, too).  Of course UPN also had Enterprise, Reba, and wrestling, but for me, that doesn't automatically outweigh the positive generated by airing 2 of my top 10 shows ever.  When we finally got UPN at home, DS9 was ending.  Then I go to college, and it takes a year into Veronica Mars for us to get UPN there. 

Current Faves:  UPN is dead.  Fuck the CW!  But Gossip Girl is pretty fun (though I don't like it nearly as much as the critics seem to). 

4.  Turner Classic Movies:  The best old movies, with a preview and a followup with Robert Osborne, or sometimes, if you're lucky, Peter Bogdanovich or Sidney Pollack.  Seriously, TCM knows how to do movies, commercial-free and with trivia to enhance your viewing.  I love their 31 Days of Oscar and their weeknight themed marathons, but my favorite TCM development has been Turner Classics Underground, a cult double feature airing on Friday nights that used to be hosted by Rob Zombie.  Really, this hosting-a-movie idea is genius, because you get to not only watch the movie but learn about it as well.  Oh, and I saw my first silent movie on TCM, which airs a couple silent features every Sunday at midnight!  And don't forget about TCM's documentaries, particularly the Edge of Outside about the maverick directors and the Spielberg doc.  Brilliant.  The worst thing about this channel is their penchant for mediocre old movies, but that doesn't come close to outweighing the greatness.   

Current Faves:  TCM Underground. 

3.  Comedy Central:  This is such an adolescent placement--every kid I know loves this channel--but the combined might of The Daily Show and the Colbert Report are, as I've stated elsewhere, the most important hour on television these days.  Not only that, they're often the funniest.  And most educational.  Suck it, Papa Bear.  They've garnered Emmys, Peabodys, bestsellers, and comics, and the jokes keep coming.  Not that this is all the channel has to it's name.  The Sarah Silverman Program amounts to 2 hours of hilarity (so far), and some people love South Park.  But honestly, the negatives are heavily weighing this one down, because Comedy Central airs the crappiest movies known to man, but even worse, the Mind of Mencia is a staple.  Still, the standup specials, and the Friday Night standups are usually an entertaining way to discover new people and pass another half hour. 

Current Faves:  Stewart/Colbert power hour

2.  HBO:  HBO's glory days are probably in the past, but what a great history.  First of all, HBO is probably the root cause of the Golden Age of Drama (circa 2004-present) given its lineup of The Sopranos, Six Feet Under, The Wire, Carnivale, and Deadwood just prior to that.  And don't discount the HBO comedies (not my cup of tea for the most part, but beloved by many anyway):  Sex and the City, Entourage, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and Flight of the Conchords.  Then we have the history-making Larry Sanders Show, zero commercials, blockbuster movies, reruns (an idea that the broadcast networks have forgotten about, meaning it's impossible to legally catch up on a show any more without tivo), and a bevy of Emmys marking HBO as the best cable network. 

Current Faves:  Well, HBO's present is dominated by good but not great shows (Big Love, John from Cincinnati, Tell Me You Love Me, Entourage, Curb), so call me when something new starts up. 

1.  NBC:  Indisputably the best television network in history, it is currently 4th out of the big 4 broadcast networks, certainly because it emphasizes nurturing small shows of great quality.  We're talking about Friday Night Lights, The Office, Scrubs, 30 Rock and the like.  But don't forget NBC's storied history:  Star Trek, Jeopardy, Seinfeld, ER, the West Wing, and Friends are surely enough to merit NBC's inclusion in the network hall of fame.  Add some SNL (30+ years of it) and you've got a winner.  And NBC's greatest crime (Fear Factor) isn't even that bad in the grand scheme. 

Current Faves:  the aforementioned brilliant yet small shows (FNL, the Office, Scrubs, 30 Rock)

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