Dogma

Faith is a funny thing.

"What's he like?"
"God? Lonely. But funny. He's got a great sense of humor. Take sex for example. There's nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus."
"Sex is a joke in heaven?"
"The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here, too."

    --  Bethany and Metatron
 

"You people. If there isn't a movie about it, it's not worth knowing about, is it?"

    --  Metatron
 

"I have issues with anyone who treats faith as a burden instead of a blessing. You people don't celebrate your faith; you mourn it."

    --  Serendipity
 

"Leave it to the Catholics to destroy existence."

    --  Serendipity
 

"I don't want this, it's too big."
"That's what Jesus said."

    --  Bethany and Metatron
 

"A black man can steal your stereo, but he can't be your Savior."

    --  Rufus
 

"Fill them pews, people, that's the key. Grab the little ones as well. Hook 'em while they're young."
"Kind of like the tobacco industry?"
"Christ, if only we had their numbers."

    --  Cardinal Glick and Rufus

"You're a pure soul... but you didn't say "God bless you" when I sneezed."

    --  Loki
 

"Anyone who isn't dead or from another plane of existence would do well to cover their ears right about now."

    --  Metatron
 

"No ticket."

    -- Silent Bob