Office Space

Work sucks.

"Hello, Peter. What's happening? We need to talk about your TPS reports."
"Yeah. The coversheet. I know, I know. Uh, Bill talked to me about it."
"Yeah. Uh, did you get that memo?"
"Yeah. I got the memo. And I understand the policy. The problem is, I just forgot this time. And I've already taken care of it so it's not a problem anymore."
"Yeah. It's just that we're putting new coversheets on all the TPS reports before now before they go out now. So I'd really appreciate it if you could just remember to do that. from now on. That'd be great."

    --  Dom Portwood and Peter Gibbons
 

"Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you'd do if you had a million dollars and you didn't have to work. And invariably what you'd say was supposed to be your career. So, if you wanted to fix old cars you're supposed to be an auto mechanic."
"So what did you say?"
"I never had an answer. I guess that's why I'm working at Initech."

    -- Peter Gibbons and Samir
 

"No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It's not that hard: Samir Na-gheen-an-a-jar. Nagheenanajar."
"Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton."
"You know there's nothing wrong with that name."
"There was nothing wrong with it... until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys."
"Well why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?"
"No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks."

    --  Samir and Michael Bolton
 

"Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately."
"Well, I wouldn't exactly say I've been missing it, Bob."

    --  Bob Porter and Peter Gibbons
 

"We always like to avoid confrontation, whenever possible. Problem solved from your end."

    --  Bob Porter
 

"It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care."

    --  Peter Gibbons

"I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire."

    --  Milton

 

"I cannot believe what a bunch of losers we are. We're looking up 'money laundering' in the dictionary."

    --  Peter Gibbons
 

"Well, all right. It was a 'Jump to Conclusions' mat. You see, it would be this mat that you would put on the floor, and it would have different conclusions written on it that you could jump to."

    --  Tom Smykowski
 

"Sounds like a case of the Mondays."

    --  Several people