Shrek

The greatest fairy tale never told.

"This is the part where you run away."

    --  Shrek
 

"I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy."
"Five schillings for the possessed toy. Take it away."

    --  Pinocchio and Captain of the Guards
 

"You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly."

    --  Donkey
 

"Wow, that was really scary and if you don't mind me saying, if that don't work, your breath will certainly get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something 'cause your breath stinks!"

    --  Donkey
 

"Well it's no wonder you don't have any friends."
"Wow, only a true friend would be that cruelly honest."

    --  Shrek and Donkey

"Whoa. Look at that. Who'd wanna live in a place like that?"
"That would be my home."
"Oh and it is lovely. You know, you're really quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a NICE boulder."

    --  Donkey and Shrek
 

"That's another thing we have in common. I hate it when you've got someone in your face, you try to give someone a hint and they won't leave, and then there's that big awkward silence...  Can I stay with you?"

    --  Donkey
 

"This'll be fun. We'll stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning... I'm making waffles."

    --  Donkey
 

"He hooffed unt he poooffed unt he... signed an eviction notice."

    --  Little Pig
 

"Tell me where are the others."
"Eat me!"

    --  Lord Farquaad and Gingerbread Man
 

"Alright. Do you know... the muffin man?"
"The muffin man?"
"The muffin man."
"Yes, I know the muffin man.  Who lives on Drury Lane?"
"She's married to the muffin man."
"The muffin man?"
"The muffin man!"
"She's married to the muffin man."

    --  Gingerbread Man and Lord Farquaad
 

"Do you think he's maybe compensating for something?"

    --  Shrek
 

"Duloc is, Duloc is, Duloc is a perfect... place."

    --  Singing puppets
 

"What's that? It's hideous."
"Well, that's not very nice.  It's just a donkey."

    --  Lord Farquaad and Shrek
 

"You can't tell me you're afraid of heights?"
"No, I'm just uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge, over a boiling lake of lava!"

    --  Shrek and Donkey
 

"I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt, too."

    --  Donkey
 

"Oh, what large teeth you have. I mean white sparkly teeth, I know you probably hear this all the time from your food but you must bleach or something, 'cause that's one dazzling smile you got there and do I detect a hint of minty freshness?"

    --  Donkey
 

"Wait. Where are you going?"
"Well, I have to save my ass."

    --  Fiona and Shrek
 

"Hi, princess."
"It talks!"
"Yeah, but it's getting him to shut up that's the trick."

    --  Donkey, Fiona and Shrek
 

"Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind."

    --  Donkey
 

"You're so wrapped up in layers onion boy, your afraid of your own feelings."
"Go away."
"There you are doing it again, just like you did to Fiona, all she ever did was like you maybe even love you."

    --  Donkey and Shrek
 

"Now really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?"

    --  Lord Farquaad
 

"Alright, nobody move. I've got a dragon and I'm not afraid to use it.  I'm a donkey on the edge!"

    --  Donkey
 

"By night one way, by day another This shall be the norm Until you find true love's first kiss Then take love's true form."

    --  Fiona

"Fiona? Are you alright?"
"Yes. But, I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful."
"But you are beautiful."

    --  Shrek and Fiona
 

"God bless us, everyone."

    --  Gingerbread Man